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The 3 things you can’t afford to lose during your divorce

By | - July 25, 2019

Steve Benmor is a recognized divorce lawyer, family mediator, arbitrator, speaker, writer and educator. Mr. Benmor has worked as lead counsel in many divorce trials, held many leadership positions in the legal community and has been regularly interviewed on television, radio and in newspapers as an expert in Family Law.

Nothing can be a bigger loss than the loss of your family life following divorce. Most people going through divorce lose their home, their spouse and the normal relationships they used to have with their children. These are all typical consequences of divorce. But there are many more, such as the loss of your spouse’s family, your social circle, your community circle and your friends.

You do not need to lose all of these relationships at the same time. In fact, it is quite possible to preserve many of these relationships despite your divorce. So here are 3 things that you should not lose from your divorce and help you keep your relationships healthy:

Your Integrity

Whatever road you travelled in getting married, to having children to ending that marriage with divorce, this is your journey and personal story. Own it. Do not try to dismiss its importance. Most people will respond to your news of divorce with surprise and sadness. Expect it. When they do, let them leave that conversation feeling that you are the same person that they always knew, that you have self-respect and that you have integrity.

Your Relationships

Whether it is your spouse, children or your in-laws, you get to affect what relationship you will have with them after divorce. Remember that you can only control your words and your actions. If your language and behaviour is positive, you are increasing the likelihood that you will be able to maintain such relationships. However, as a divorce lawyer, I have seen too many spouses who are publicly critical of their former partner. This causes people who had a relationship with both of you to pull away. Nobody wants to feel like they are in a conflicted relationship. Defaming your former partner could definitely have the impact of soiling your relationships. Even if others in your conversations make negative commentary about your spouse, avoid the temptation and demonstrate integrity.

Your Happiness

Not only are you entitled to experience happiness, so too are your children and the people who you share your life with. If you have left a marriage where you were chronically unhappy, you were unintentionally also reducing the happiness of your children and those around you. The choice to divorce is also a choice to experience future happiness and to cause those around you, including your children, to feel your happiness. The benefits of divorce are rarely discussed, but one of them is the ending of unhappiness and the beginning of happiness.

Divorce will cause you to give up on many things, but your integrity, relationships, and happiness are the things that no person should ever forgo. By keeping these values at the forefront of your decisions and actions, you will experience a smoother transition into your new life after divorce

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