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What you don’t realize about divorce until it’s too late.

By | - August 13, 2019

Steve Benmor is a recognized divorce lawyer, family mediator, arbitrator, speaker, writer and educator. Mr. Benmor has worked as lead counsel in many divorce trials, held many leadership positions in the legal community and has been regularly interviewed on television, radio and in newspapers as an expert in Family Law.

Make no mistake. Divorce is a trauma. It is like a bruise on the heart. But it is one that didn’t just suddenly arise. For most people, a divorce occurs after many months or years of anguish. One or both spouses may have been carrying upset, resentment and anger for a very long time before they made the decision to divorce.

During this journey, people have bouts of insecurity. Is it me or is it him? Am I just going through something? Will things get better after…? Maybe I should just try harder. We should probably try counseling. We can’t do this to the children. What will our family think?

These are the kinds of thoughts, feelings and questions that are often swirling around in the journey from doubt to decision. For those that make the decision to divorce, the pain that they have been carrying for a long time becomes front and center. The hurt becomes palpable. They are now discussing it, sharing it, analyzing it, and even receiving therapy for it.

It is during this journey that the person who initiated the divorce is able to make sense of these feelings that have been harboured for a very long time. Many realize that these feelings were there for a long time, but were dismissed or ignored. But that pain was real.

What people don’t realize about divorce is that the process started much earlier than they realized and the consequences last much longer than they would like. That is why self-care, healthy living, new found love and gratitude are so important for those having gone through divorce. These are the values that can propel the divorcee from a state of unhappiness to a place of optimism and joy.

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