In the 1960s, a researcher named Martin Seligman studied the theory of “Learned Helplessness”. His theory explained that some people learn to become helpless and feel they have lost all control over their lives. He noted that such people experience depression and a lack of purpose and meaning in life. This can in turn lead to a host of negative consequences including sadness, withdrawal, social isolation, poor health and even suicide.
Seligman’s research led to the revelation of teaching resilience and optimism to create positive feelings. He believed that the field of psychology wrongly was focussed on what in a person’s life is negative that needs fixing. Instead, he turned his attention to using psychology to generate happiness, wellbeing and a flourishing life.
Seligman authored a paper on Positive Psychology promoting optimal human functioning. He identified the factors that allow people to thrive. One of them was to teach people to shift their perspective and replace one way of thinking with a new way that was filled with gratitude, hope and optimism.
The practice of Positive Psychology teaches practitioners such as divorce professionals to:
1. Build a strong rapport with the client so that they trust you and can be influenced by you
2. Find out their pain points and how they have interpreted the facts in their life to support their perspective
3. Use the same facts to formulate a different, positive perspective and share it with the client
4. Enhance the client’s goal-setting by reframing where they are and where they want to get
5. Partner with the client to improve their life by increasing their experience of positive emotions – gratitude, hope and optimism
6. Serve as a reminder to the client of their blessings, strengths and opportunities
7. Cultivate the client’s sense of happiness, wellbeing and gratitude
Positive Psychology reminds us that people are not defined solely by the difficulties they are experiencing. Even during separation and divorce, there can be opportunities to recognize strengths, establish meaningful goals, develop hope and begin to envision a different future. As family law professionals, we can help clients recognize these possibilities while supporting them through one of the most challenging periods of their lives.
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