Parenting Coordinators help former spouses settle the inevitable post-divorce parenting disputes that arise between them. No matter how amicable a split, it’s unrealistic for parents to expect that their ongoing relationship will be all smooth waters once their divorce is signed and sealed. Most parents think they’re done by the time they’ve finalized the terms of the settlement with respect to custody, access, child support, property division, and so on. But while they’re immersed in the details of getting to a final divorce settlement, they forget that there will continue to be new parenting issues that will need resolving.
That’s where Parenting Coordinators come in. Parenting Coordinators are appointed jointly by the parents and use a variety of dispute resolution methods to prevent and resolve disagreements over issues such as school choices, vacation plans, after-school activities, birthday parties, and others child-related topics.
Here are the top 5 reasons for divorced parents to appoint a Parenting Coordinators in their Separation Agreement or Divorce Order:
Reason #1: Safety Net
The simple knowledge that divorced parents have someone available to manage and resolve issues if and when they come up is tremendously valuable, even if they never actually have to use them. It’s like insurance. You may never use it but it gives you peace of mind to know you have it in place just in case.
Reason #2: Parenting Education
The role of a Parenting Coordinator is not only to help parents resolve issues, but also to train them on how they can overcome future problems themselves. A Parenting Coordinator’s role is to help each parent communicate with the other, to understand the problem, and reframe it in terms of a solution. Tools are taught by the Parenting Coordinator to resolve future problems on their own, whether it’s the same issue that keeps coming up or a fresh one.
Reason #3: All-In-One Model
Parenting Coordinators are a parenting counsellor, a parenting educator, a parenting mediator and a parenting arbitrator – all rolled into one. They use all of these different skills to help parents be child-focussed, listen better, communicate effectively and reach agreement on their own. But when all else fails and the parents just can’t reach consensus on an issue that requires a decision, the Parenting Coordinator can be the tie-breaker. A Parenting Coordinator can be granted the jurisdiction to declare a hiatus and direct an arbitration hearing. Both parents will then have the opportunity to present their evidence and the Parenting Coordinator will render an arbitration award to put the dispute to rest so it does not fester or get brushed under the rug.
Reason #4: Speedy Service
Without the benefit of a Parenting Coordinator, former spouses may be forced to resort to litigation and all its associated complexity and cost. It’s much better to nip things in the bud early by calling on the Parenting Coordinator, who is ready, willing and able to help solve the problem. Parenting problems can start small, but the longer they remain unresolved, the bigger they get. A Parenting Coordinator eliminates that delay, lowers the cost and gets to a solution faster than any alternative.
Reason #5: Low Cost
Unlike litigation when each parent pays each lawyer (two lawyers altogether, maybe three if the children need a lawyer) an hourly rate to discuss the problem, prepare letters or court documents, attend court and wait for hours, days and sometimes months for a judge’s decision, the Parenting Coordinator is one single professional paid by both parents. Using a Parenting Coordinator is much less costly than paying lawyers for all the hours needed to reach the judge. The cost savings using this method is immense.
In conclusion, it is sound legal advice to remind clients that their Divorce Order or Separation Agreement does not end future parenting disputes and that the appointment of a Parenting Coordinator in the divorce settlement is responsible, cost-effective and best for the children.
Editorial Note: Originally published in 2019, this article continues to offer practical and relevant guidance for separating and divorced parents. The insights into Parenting Coordination—a structured, child-focused approach to resolving parenting disputes—remain just as valuable today. This post reflects ongoing best practices in Ontario family law and dispute resolution.
Steve Benmor, B.Sc., LL.B., LL.M. (Family Law), C.S., Cert.F.Med., C.Arb., FDRP PC, is the founder and principal lawyer of Benmor Family Law Group, a boutique matrimonial law firm in downtown Toronto. He is a Certified Specialist in Family Law, a Certified Specialist in Parenting Coordination and was admitted as a Fellow to the prestigious International Academy of Family Lawyers. Steve is regularly retained as a Divorce Mediator/Arbitrator and Parenting Coordinator. Steve uses his 30 years of in-depth knowledge of family law, court-room experience and expert problem-solving skills in Divorce Mediation/Arbitration to help spouses reach fair, fast and cooperative divorce settlements without the financial losses, emotional costs and lengthy delays from divorce court.
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