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Two Techniques For Building Resilience During Divorce

By | - April 24, 2018

As a Divorce Coach, one of my objectives is to help my clients build resilience. Resilience is defined as “the capacity to recover from a crisis, tragedy or difficult moment.”

My clients usually have the ‘will’ to move forward, but often have difficulties putting that ‘energy’ into motion because they are physically, emotionally and financially exhausted. They have no time to relax, especially if their divorce is compounded by additional circumstances such as caring for sick children or elderly parents. Due to diminishing resilience, they often experience challenges such as:

  • difficulty concentrating at work
  • no appetite
  • trouble sleeping
  • worried about current and future finances
  • worried about their children
  • feeling isolated from friends and community
  • feeling stressed out

As their Coach, my objective is to help my clients tap into their own creative and resourceful ‘fuel tank’ to keep moving forward. These two techniques help them increase resilience:


Your divorce may have been caused by several factors, but the solution to your current crisis begins with self-compassion.  Your inner critic is probably preventing yourself from moving forward more than your spouse or the legal process.  A change in attitude can really make a difference on what you want and how to get there.  Love yourself, be good to yourself and you will soon find clarity in your life.  Start journaling, take a walk, go to the movies, laugh hard, decompress and sit in silence.  Whatever you do, keep moving forward and practice self-compassion.


We’ve all heard the saying “When Life Gives You Lemons, make Lemonade”   Well, it’s time to start squeezing!

My clients struggle with the fact that their whole life has been suddenly uprooted and they just want things to go back to ‘normal’.  It takes time for my clients to navigate their divorce but eventually they discover their ‘new normal’ and do not want to go back to their old lives.  Instead of looking at your divorce as a crisis or tragedy, see it as an opportunity for self- growth.  Your original life plan is no longer viable, but you have an opportunity to reinvent yourself and design your life.   Get up, reach out to your inner-self, and create your ‘new normal’.   Keep moving forward and practice self-growth

Building resilience is an ongoing process that requires focus, persistence and positive emotions.  Once my clients practice self-compassion and self-growth they feel more in control and more in tune with their intuition.  So what are you waiting for? Get out there and tap into your own resources to replenish the ‘fuel-tank’ and find your resilience when divorcing.  

Cris Lam is a Certified Divorce Coach and Senior Law Clerk at Benmor Family Law Group.

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