As a family lawyer with experience in high-conflict separations, I’ve encountered a wide range of approaches taken by opposing counsel in the divorce process.
While many lawyers prioritize collaboration and settlement, some adopt increasingly aggressive and unreasonable tactics—especially in high-conflict cases.
These strategies can have serious consequences, often to the detriment of the spouses and especially the children involved.
Some lawyers operate under the belief that hard-bargaining is the key to “winning” a divorce. Their methods may include extreme demands, threats, and at times, behaviour that approaches unethical territory—all in the name of gaining leverage.
This adversarial mindset turns negotiation into a zero-sum game, rather than a problem-solving process where both parties can find workable, even mutually beneficial, outcomes.
In truth, divorce settlements typically involve many interconnected issues. A constructive, integrative approach can allow spouses to identify trade-offs and build agreements that serve the long-term well-being of all involved—including, and especially, the children.
However, when “bull-dog” lawyers rely on intimidation and inflexibility, the result is often a destructive cycle: one party escalates, so the other follows, and negotiations devolve into threats, impasse, and conflict. These dynamics undermine the possibility of a fair, sustainable agreement and leave families stuck in prolonged, costly battles—long after the lawyers have exited the picture.
Clients deserve better. It is crucial to work with lawyers who foster cooperation, clarity, and forward-looking solutions, particularly when children’s lives and stability are at stake.
Here are 10 “bull-dog” tactics to watch out for:
- Extreme Demands and Slow Concessions: Starting with unreasonable demands and refusing to move.
- Commitment Tactics: Taking fixed positions and claiming they lack authority to compromise.
- Take-It-or-Leave-It Offers: Offering non-negotiable settlements.
- Unreciprocated Offers: Rejecting all counter-proposals outright.
- Instilling Fear: Using intimidation or pressure tactics to gain compliance.
- Personal Insults: Attacking the other lawyer to derail or destabilize negotiations.
- Bluffing and Lying: Making exaggerated or false statements.
- Threats and Warnings: Issuing threats in response to disagreement.
- Belittling Alternatives: Dismissing any other possible resolution.
- Good Cop, Bad Cop: Creating manipulative optics to confuse or coerce.
Effective family lawyers are those who can listen, ask the right questions, and remain open to dialogue—even during conflict. In contrast, aggressive lawyering tends to increase hostility, delay resolution, and escalate legal costs.
By choosing a settlement-focused family lawyer, separating spouses are far more likely to reach practical, balanced, and cost-effective outcomes than they would through adversarial tactics.
BEWARE: DOG MAY BITE
Editorial note: This article was first published on LinkedIn in August 2025 and is republished here for reference.
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