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Divorce: A Time to Look Inwards and Upwards

By | - November 28, 2023

Steve Benmor is a recognized divorce lawyer, family mediator, arbitrator, speaker, writer and educator. Mr. Benmor has worked as lead counsel in many divorce trials, held many leadership positions in the legal community and has been regularly interviewed on television, radio and in newspapers as an expert in Family Law.

Navigating divorce is traumatic, emotionally draining and filled with powerlessness and fear. In such a tumultuous time in your life, finding comfort in prayer can be what helps you survive and persevere.

After practicing divorce law for 30 years, I have found the one prayer that resonates deeply with my divorcing spouses is the Serenity Prayer.

The Serenity Prayer, originally associated with Alcoholics Anonymous, transcends its origins to offer comfort and guidance to separating spouses struggling with divorce.

The profound words of this prayer encourage a mindset shift, by fostering acceptance of the things beyond our control while empowering us to change what we can.

In the midst of a high conflict divorce, emotional turmoil and unexpected developments, this prayer serves as a reminder to seek serenity in the face of adversity. It emphasizes the importance of embracing each day, finding joy in small moments, and acknowledging hardships as stepping stones toward inner peace.

Divorce often brings forth a myriad of uncontrollable factors, such as a former partner’s actions or external judgments.

The Serenity Prayer encourages spouses to release the grip on these

uncontrollables and, instead, focus on what they can influence—their own decisions, actions, and mindset.

Acceptance, a pivotal aspect of the prayer, becomes a key element in the healing process. Whether coming to terms with the end of a marriage or acknowledging the limitations of control, embracing acceptance is a powerful step toward moving forward. This is especially pertinent in situations where the divorce is a result of factors beyond one’s control, such as infidelity, addiction or abuse.

The prayer’s call to live one day at a time echoes the principles of mindfulness, urging individuals to find happiness in the present moment rather than dwelling on past grievances or anxieties about the future. This approach aligns with the journey of those newly separated spouses, encouraging them to live each day without allowing anger, frustration and resentment to poison their well-being.

Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace, this approach parallels the challenges faced by those in recovery from addiction. In the context of divorce, it signifies acknowledging the difficulties, embracing the journey toward healing, and understanding that, with time and resilience, moments of empowerment and joy can emerge.

Reading the Serenity Prayer daily becomes a valuable ritual for spouses going through divorce. By keeping this prayer close at hand, spouses can turn to its wisdom when faced with challenging moments, finding strength and solace in its words rather than resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Ultimately, the prayer for divorce encourages a shift from focusing on external circumstances to cultivating inner serenity. As spouses navigate the complexities of divorce, this prayer becomes a beacon of hope, guiding spouses toward acceptance, courage and wisdom—the essential elements for finding happiness and meaning in the aftermath of separation.

The Serenity Prayer:

God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace,

Taking this world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that if I surrender, all things will be right,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy in the next.

At Benmor Family Law Group, our multi-disciplinary team of divorce experts fully understands the emotional and financial impact of divorce. We will help you through separation, divorce, mediation, divorce coaching, and parent coordination, our full-service family law firm expertly supports you, guides you, and represents you – throughout your case.

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