Lies, allegations and insults cause anyone distress. But when those hardball tactics come from your client’s very own spouse (or her lawyer) after separation, it is very hard to advise your client to ignore them and take the high road. This is especially the case when the false narrative will imperil your client’s personal life, relationship with their children and their financial stability.
Good liars are good at what they do. It is very rare for the lies, allegations and insults to be entirely fictitious. After all, the spouse of your client has volumes of insider information to draw on. So what often occurs is that their lies are interwoven within a pot-pouri of truths. That way, the judge, mediator, arbitrator or assessor may be lead to believe that the narrative offered may (or must) be reliable because so many of the surrounding facts are indeed true.
This tactic is very frustrating to your client and, therefore, you as well. You and your client now have to dissect the other spouse’s narrative, challenge the veracity of each statement and parse out the falsehoods from the truthful facts.
However, judges, mediators, arbitrators and assessors are human. They commonly form hypotheses early in the fact-finding process and then seek support for them in the various narratives, leading to confirmatory bias. This is human and commonplace. So by the time your client discovers the false narrative, and must marshal the evidence to refute it, the conclusion has already been formed in the mind of the fact-finder.
This form of litigation abuse is sadly commonplace. Lying is one of many hardball tactics that spouses use in mediation, litigation and assessments. Such spouses and their lawyers know that the longer this charade continues, the less likely the other spouse will challenge them, and will eventually capitulate and settle for less. So false narratives are often followed by “take it or leave it” offers, bluffs and threats.
There will forever be marriages and common law relationships. Spouses will forever build families with children. Couples will buy homes and generate wealth together. And, yes, they will break up. When they do, most couples separate in an honest, ethical and amicable manner. Some don’t. Some treat their divorce as a ‘no holds barred’ cage fight. Some lawyers treat this as a sport. This is when hardball tactics such as lies, allegations and insults surface.
Such spouses (or their lawyers) can employ a range of tactics to gain leverage or inflict damage. They may attempt to exert control by leveraging their financial knowledge of the family’s finances. This could involve withholding financial information, hiding assets, increasing debt levels or depleting assets. By instilling fear of financial ruin, they aim to coerce their spouse into conceding to unfair terms.
It is not uncommon for aggressive spouses to hire aggressive lawyers, file excessive motions, or pursue frivolous litigation to drain their spouse’s resources and wear them down emotionally. They see the courtroom as a battlefield where victory is paramount, regardless of the collateral damage. They may gaslight, guilt-trip or play on their spouse’s emotions, fears and vulnerabilities.
Lawyers know that the litigation arena is fertile ground for hardball tactics, especially with the revolving door of judges involved, the lengthy delays in between court appearances and the extreme costs of high conflict divorces.
There are a few potential responses. The other spouse can give in, reciprocate in kind or attempt to take the high road and hope for a just outcome. Responding to hardball strategies requires a strong support system, financial strength and an unbeatable resolve. Rarely does the victim of such hardball tactics prolong the conflict, fund the litigation and seek justice through a lengthy trial, with witness after witness proving each fact. This is very expensive and, depending on the financial resources of the deceiving spouse, the victim is not guaranteed a positive outcome in the end. Albeit rare, the victims of such tactics may proceed through all stages of litigation through conferences, motions, a trial and/or appeal to ensure that the truth is discovered, the lies are revealed and that the correct outcome is achieved.
Fortunately, for these cases, there is a model for dispute resolution that has grown in popularity. The model is called Divorce Mediation/Arbitration. It is the most effective, economical and fastest solution. In Mediation/Arbitration, the arbitrator is a legal expert in the subject matter, knows family law, knows how to design the process, issues awards to streamline the system, knows how to protect the integrity of the process and even can spot the shenanigans that some spouses play.
The spouses must consent to this model. Undoubtedly, the weaker spouse will sign on. But why would the conflict-oriented spouse agree? Because their public image and reputation is protected. Divorce Mediation/Arbitration is private and confidential. Court orders are widely accessed by the public on www.canlii.org where every client, customer, colleague, banker, future spouse and, especially their children, can read about their misconduct and cause them to suffer perpetual embarrassment and reputational damage. Plus, high conflict litigation is very expensive. Even conflict-oriented spouses prefer to spend less money. So Mediation/Arbitration has become a very attractive option for divorcing couples.
Understanding these maneuvers is essential for those with the authority to control the case and channel it towards a just resolution. This is why more lawyers have discovered that the smartest mechanism to manage these high conflict cases most effectively is to place them in the hands of a single, strong and skilled Divorce Mediator/Arbitrator who has the expertise, authority and gravitas to navigate these cases to conclusion. The right Mediator/Arbitrator can level the playing field, disarm the conflict-oriented spouse, empower the weaker spouse and establish deadlines, rules and expectations to ensure procedural fairness and bring about a just outcome.
High conflict divorces now have a home.
Editorial note: This article was first published on LinkedIn in September 2025 and is republished here for reference.
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