At first glance, the quote sounds reckless – almost flippant. But in the context of an unhealthy marriage, it captures something far more psychologically complex: When one spouse recognizes that chronic efforts to save a marriage are futile, but cannot bring themself to end the marriage, they commit acts to trigger the ending of the marriage.
Divorce, for many, is not an impulsive act. It is the final step in a long and often invisible process of repair attempts, emotional labour, and quiet endurance. When those efforts fail, some elect – consciously or not – to end the marriage by acts such as withdrawal, escaping or betrayal.
Modern marriage culture is steeped in the idea that with enough communication, therapy, compromise, or resilience, any relationship can be repaired. This belief is comforting – but false. Some marriages are unhealthy not because of temporary stressors, but because of structural problems that are immune to repair – fundamental incompatibility, power imbalances, emotional neglect or loss of respect or attraction. In these circumstances, “fixing” the marriage may not be possible. That spouse can choose to continue efforts to repair, surrender or wait it out. In the latter case, one spouse may unintentionally commit acts that hasten divorce.
Many people who ultimately choose divorce have spent years trying to fix the marriage. They attend counselling together, or alone if their partner disengages. They lower expectations, excuse behaviour, and normalize unhappiness. They internalize responsibility for problems they did not create. Over time, something critical erodes – not the marriage, but the person.
The decision to “break it” often comes at the moment when a spouse realizes that staying is more damaging than leaving. The marriage may still function on paper, but it no longer functions as a place of safety, dignity, or mutual respect. At that point, divorce becomes less about ending a relationship and more about stopping the damage.
The quote: “Since I couldn’t fix it, I just decided to break it” is not a celebration. It is an act of resignation. Choosing divorce in an unhealthy marriage can reflect:
- A refusal to participate in ongoing dysfunction
- A commitment to personal integrity
- A recognition that children learn more from what they witness
- A belief that long-term peace is preferable to prolonged conflict
Ending a marriage does not negate the effort that preceded it. Often, it is precisely because someone tried so hard that they are finally able to let go. There is a paradox at the heart of many divorces: the relationship must end so that the people involved can survive, and sometimes even heal. Breaking a marriage offers many benefits such as:
- Mental and emotional health
- A parent’s ability to model self-respect
- The possibility of cooperative co-parenting rather than chronic hostility
- The chance for both spouses to rebuild lives aligned with who they have become
In that sense, divorce is not always the destruction of a family. It can be the reconfiguration of one.
Saying “Since I couldn’t fix it, I just decided to break it” is not the statement of someone who gave up too soon. More often, it is the voice of someone who stayed too long. Divorce, when a marriage is no longer healthy, is rarely about quitting. It is about acknowledging reality – and choosing not to confuse endurance with virtue. Sometimes, the bravest decision is not to keep fixing what cannot be fixed, but to stop pretending that breaking it means you failed.
Steve Benmor, B.Sc., LL.B., LL.M. (Family Law), C.S., Cert.F.Med., C.Arb., FDRP PC, is the founder and principal lawyer of Benmor Family Law Group, a boutique matrimonial law firm in downtown Toronto. He is a Certified Specialist in Family Law, a Certified Specialist in Parenting Coordination and was admitted as a Fellow to the prestigious International Academy of Family Lawyers. Steve is regularly retained as a Divorce Mediator/Arbitrator and Parenting Coordinator. Steve uses his 30 years of in-depth knowledge of family law, court-room experience and expert problem-solving skills in Divorce Mediation/Arbitration to help spouses reach fair, fast and cooperative divorce settlements without the financial losses, emotional costs and lengthy delays from divorce court.
Editorial note: This article was first published on LinkedIn in December 2025 and is republished here for reference.
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