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How to Communicate With Your Divorce Lawyer: Remember The Three T’s

By | - May 31, 2018

As a Divorce Coach, I help guide my clients through the divorce process on an emotional and practical level. When it comes to practical support, I regularly help my clients prepare for their strategic meetings and communication with their divorce lawyers.  I remind my clients that their time is valuable and empower them to use the 3 T’s when communicating with their divorce lawyer.

Try using the following 3 T’s in your next communication with your divorce lawyer:


Say what you mean and do what you say.  Your lawyer can’t read your mind so be clear on what you want, why you want it and ask your lawyer how to achieve your goals.   Reduce your anxiety and stress level by being transparent in your communication with your lawyer.  Be descriptive and tell the whole story, not just what you think your lawyer wants to hear because it will help your case.   Avoid miscommunication and frustrations by telling your lawyer what parts in your divorce case are confusing and challenging for you.  As a Divorce Coach, I help my clients have realistic expectations of their communication and interactions with their lawyer. I help my clients create an agenda with talking points and questions that they can use at their next meeting.  Being transparent allows my clients to stay focus and organize in their interactions with their lawyers.  


Trust yourself, trust your lawyer and trust the process.  Do you feel that tingling sensation in your body?  That’s your intuition or your ‘inner-self’ telling you that all will be okay if you begin to relax and trust that you and your lawyer are doing everything possible under the current circumstances.   

You may not like everything that your lawyer has to say, but your lawyer is providing you with the legal options to make those informed decisions.  You may not understand why there are so many legal court forms for you to complete, but these forms were created to assist your lawyer and the court process.  As a Divorce Coach, I help my clients bring down that defensive wall so they can begin ‘trusting’ again and see conflicts as opportunities for growth.  Trusting yourself, your lawyer and the legal process has been successful in my client’s path to a speedily and an amicable divorce.


“Never underestimate the power of thought; it is the greatest path to discovery –  Idowu Koyenikan”.  Many of my clients have so many thoughts in their mind and don’t know how to process them or use them effectively to get their points across.  If you don’t have time to write down your thoughts, use your smartphone to record or voice dictate the message you want to use in your email or meeting with your lawyer.  As a Divorce Coach, I encourage my clients to be vocal, respectful and thoughtful in their communication with their lawyer because their lawyers time is also valuable.  I help my clients focus on positive thoughts and actions they would like to discuss with their lawyers.  I help clients separate their personal emotions that may cloud their ability to have meaningful conversations with their lawyers.  Being thoughtful in your communication will allow the other person to equally make an effort to prepare a response to your questions and concerns.

So what are you waiting for?  Start using the 3 T’s – Transparency, Trust and, Thoughtfulness in your communication and interaction with your divorce lawyer and encourage your divorce lawyer to reciprocate your method of communicating with them.

Cris Lam is a Certified Divorce Coach and Senior Law Clerk at Benmor Family Law Group.

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