I left the January 24, 2026 FDRIO Bi-Annual DV Training for Family Mediators and Arbitrators deeply appreciative [and frankly unsettled] after the presentation from Dr. Peter Jaffe. He delivered an outstanding and sobering presentation on compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma, two occupational hazards that too often remain unspoken in family dispute resolution, despite being pervasive and consequential.
Dr. Jaffe’s message was not abstract or academic. It was practical, evidence-based, and uncomfortably familiar to anyone who has spent years sitting with high-conflict families, domestic violence histories, and trauma-saturated narratives. Dr. Jaffe defined compassion fatigue as the profound emotional and physical erosion that occurs when professionals are unable to refuel and regenerate. It is not a failure of resilience or commitment. It is a predictable response to sustained empathic engagement without adequate recovery.
Vicarious trauma, by contrast, according to Dr. Jaffe, runs deeper. It occurs when client trauma becomes our trauma – when repeated exposure to traumatic material alters our worldview, reshapes our fundamental beliefs about safety, fairness, and human behaviour, and quietly damages our sense of meaning and efficacy.
What resonated with me most was Dr. Jaffe’s emphasis that the short and long-term consequences of this work are not confined to one domain. They can manifest:
- Physically (fatigue, sleep disruption, somatic symptoms)
- Emotionally (irritability, numbness, despair)
- Behaviourally (withdrawal, overwork, avoidance)
- Cognitively (cynicism, concentration difficulties, negative beliefs)
- Interpersonally (strained relationships, reduced empathy)
- Spiritually (loss of purpose, erosion of values)
These effects can persist for months – and sometimes years – often mirroring the very symptoms experienced by trauma survivor clients themselves.
Dr. Jaffe underscored research showing that Family Mediators and Arbitrators face heightened risks of psychological distress, depression, anxiety, burnout, and problematic alcohol use compared to many other professions and the general population. This is not incidental. It reflects a demanding professional environment characterized by:
- Chronic exposure to trauma
- Intense emotional labour
- Time pressure and heavy caseloads
- Long work hours
- Reduced engagement in protective and restorative behaviours
Importantly, Dr. Jaffe normalized this experience: explaining that our reactions to this are not only common, they are expected in this line of work.
What made Dr. Jaffe’s presentation particularly valuable was that he did not stop at diagnosis. He proposed concrete, realistic remedies as ethical imperatives for Family Mediators and Arbitrators including:
- Self-awareness and honest assessment of our psychological and physical health
- Adequate sleep, nutrition, exercise, yoga, meditation, massage
- Meaningful hobbies and interests outside professional identity
- Peer supports
- Nurturing close relationships and social supports
- Personal psychotherapy or counselling
- Prevention through spiritual or reflective practice
- Strong professional support networks (Thank you FDRIO for your monthly Meet-Ups)
- Regular vacations and true breaks from work
- Monitoring substance use and other coping mechanisms
- Realistic expectations about workload and capacity
- Familiarity with the literature on burnout, vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue
For those of us working at the intersection of family breakdown, violence, and trauma, this presentation was a necessary reminder: we are not immune because we are trained. Bearing witness carries a cost. Ignoring that cost does not make us more professional – it makes us more vulnerable.
Dr. Jaffe’s work challenges Family Mediators and Arbitrators to view self-care not as indulgence, but as professional responsibility. Our capacity to remain fair, regulated, compassionate, and effective depends on it.
I am grateful to Family Dispute Resolution Institute of Ontario (FDRIO) , Cheryl Goldhart and Judith Nicoll for yesterday’s training and am deeply appreciative of Dr. Jaffe for articulating clearly, compassionately, and courageously what so many in our field experience quietly everyday.
Steve Benmor, B.Sc., LL.B., LL.M. (Family Law), C.S., Cert.F.Med., C.Arb., FDRP PC, Acc.D.C., is a full-time Divorce Mediator/Arbitrator and principal lawyer of Benmor Family Law Group, a boutique matrimonial law firm in downtown Toronto. He is a Certified Specialist in Family Law, a Certified Specialist in Parenting Coordination and was admitted as a Fellow to the prestigious International Academy of Family Lawyers. Steve is regularly retained as a Divorce Mediator/Arbitrator and Parenting Coordinator. Steve uses his 30 years of in-depth knowledge of family law, court-room experience and expert problem-solving skills in Divorce Mediation/Arbitration to help spouses reach fair, fast and cooperative divorce settlements without the financial losses, emotional costs and lengthy delays from divorce court.
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