Marriage counsellors are the first responders to marital crisis. Spouses who are having a difficult time in their relationship will often turn to therapy to resolve their problems. Marriage counsellors are excellent facilitators of better communication and collaborative problem-solving. Because of the position of trust that marriage counsellors hold with spouses, it is critical that they appreciate the impact of their words — and even their silence.
Here are five things marriage counsellors need to know about family law in Ontario:
#1 – It’s the Law
The Divorce Act compels lawyers to advise clients of the need to seek marriage counselling before proceeding with divorce. These are not just words on paper. This is federal legislation. Spouses who seek legal advice regarding divorce are regularly directed to marriage counsellors to explore whether the marriage can be sustained. Therefore, consider developing professional relationships with family law lawyers so that you can benefit from these referrals.
#2 – Small Things Have Big Influence
Separating spouses will often have selective hearing from marriage counselling sessions. The smallest comment—or even body language — from the marriage counsellor can influence a spouse’s decision to remain in the relationship or end it. When a couple is in the throes of marital discord, both partners are highly sensitive and impressionable. Be aware of your influence.
#3 – Parenting Routine = Parenting Plan
The most recent parenting routines tend to set the foundation for the parenting responsibilities following separation. For example, if in the months leading up to separation each parent was equally sharing childcare responsibilities, this may set a benchmark for the parenting plan that will be established afterward. Remember this when helping your clients figure out how to co-parent during their separation.
#4 – Your Notes May Matter
The clinical notes and records of the marriage counsellor may be compelled to be produced in divorce court. One spouse may allege domestic violence or addictions, while the other may deny the allegations. In such cases, they may turn to their marriage counsellor’s notes to prove or disprove such claims. So ensure that your notes are accurate, complete, and legible in case you are called upon to share them.
#5 – A Lawyer Can Be Your Ally
The greatest thing a marriage counsellor can do is help a family stay together. Sometimes, this is not only the work of the therapist, but also the spouses and their lawyers. Good divorce lawyers can work collaboratively with the spouses’ marriage counsellor to help prevent a divorce and restore marital harmony.
Marriage counsellors are the professionals who serve families during marriage, during separation, and even after divorce. They are the trusted professionals spouses turn to during their most challenging times. In fact, many families have been fortunate to experience a return to harmony because of the great work of marriage counsellors. Over the years, I have worked closely with many marriage counsellors and have been most impressed with the impact they have had on families and children.
Editorial Note:
This article was originally published in 2018, but its insights remain highly relevant today. As the first point of contact in marital crisis, marriage counsellors continue to play a critical role in guiding families. Understanding the intersection of family therapy and family law helps professionals serve clients more effectively during times of transition.
Steve Benmor, B.Sc., LL.B., LL.M. (Family Law), C.S., Cert.F.Med., C.Arb., FDRP PC, is the founder and principal lawyer of Benmor Family Law Group, a boutique matrimonial law firm in downtown Toronto. He is a Certified Specialist in Family Law, a Certified Specialist in Parenting Coordination and was admitted as a Fellow to the prestigious International Academy of Family Lawyers. Steve is regularly retained as a Divorce Mediator/Arbitrator and Parenting Coordinator. Steve uses his 30 years of in-depth knowledge of family law, court-room experience and expert problem-solving skills in Divorce Mediation/Arbitration to help spouses reach fair, fast and cooperative divorce settlements without the financial losses, emotional costs and lengthy delays from divorce court.
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