As a lawyer turned Family Mediator/Arbitrator, who has spent the better part of his adult life representing spouses, fathers, mothers and children in Family Court, I’ve seen first-hand the profound impact that judicial decisions have on both clients and counsel.
I have represented thousands of clients in court, many of which resulted in a judicial decision made by a judge after hearing the parties’ and witnesses’ evidence. On more than one occasion in the last 3 decades, my client and I have been blindsided by the decision rendered by the judge. It is in these moments that both my client and I are left reeling. What did I miss? What did the judge miss? What went wrong? How can such an injustice occur…right in front of my very own eyes?
For my clients, it’s incredibly difficult to reconcile the outcome with the belief that, in Canada, truth, justice and fairness always prevail. They strongly believe that a Canadian judge, appointed by the government to remain objective, curious and learned, would come to the wrong conclusion. They trust the legal system to deliver fairness, to remedy their history, and to ultimately protect their interests. However, when the judgment favours the opposing party, it can be devastating. The shock of such a decision can be deeply disorienting. Just this week, one of my clients told me they felt betrayed by our judicial system they once believed in, as they watched the judge disregard the evidence and be manipulated by the other lawyer’s misrepresentations and antics. This sense of injustice erodes faith in the legal system, and its emotional toll can be profound, not just on them, but on their families as well. The very system they relied on to submit their family law problems for a fair and just resolution has let them down.
As a lawyer, this feeling is no less painful. While my clients carry the brunt of the emotional fallout, I, too, am deeply impacted. Over the years, I have built a firm belief in the Canadian justice system. I have wholeheartedly supported the notion that Canadian judges are carefully selected based on their historical demonstration of good judgment and ethics, well-trained in the consideration of admissible evidence and the application of the law through stare decisis (the principle that courts should follow precedents). That such outstanding jurists are capable of cutting through hyperbole, rhetoric, and ad hominem tactics often employed by certain lawyers was, to me, a given. I trust that the system works because it is grounded in morality, honesty and ethics – by both the lawyers and the judges. This belief is what has driven me to be so proud of my profession and to offer to represent clients in Family Court, trusting that in the end, the justice will prevail.
But when that doesn’t happen – when the judgment falls far from what we expected – it shakes not just the client’s faith in Family Justice, but mine as well. It challenges the very foundation of why we take cases before a judge in the first place. If the truth doesn’t matter, if the evidence is ignored or misunderstood, what then is the value of the legal system we hold so dear?
This is where the emotional and professional toll intersects. As a lawyer, I am not just fighting for my client’s interests in the courtroom; I am also an advocate for the integrity of the justice system itself. When the system falters, it is not only my clients who lose, but also my faith in the very system I’ve worked to uphold for my entire career.
This week, as we reflect on the events surrounding the acquittal of the junior hockey players in the high-profile sexual assault case of Canada’s World Junior Hockey Team, these feelings of disillusionment are more poignant than ever. For many sexual assault survivors, this verdict dredges up painful memories of other high-profile court cases. Nearly a decade ago, Jian Ghomeshi was acquitted after another sexual assault trial, leaving survivors devastated by our justice system. Musician Jacob Hoggard was found not guilty of sexually assaulting a young woman. Suffice it to say, these cases were carefully monitored and the judgments were carefully crafted and delivered for public and legal scrutiny. Indeed, there is no evidence of any wrongdoing by the judges or lawyers. However, for survivors, and for anyone who has been through Canada’s Family Justice System alike, these outcomes are difficult to understand and impossible to accept as fair.
This echoes a sentiment many of my clients feel when faced with a similar situation in Family Court. They are convinced that if only the judge was not bamboozled by the other spouse or their lawyer’s misrepresentations, justice would have been served.
My clients’ experience is a deeply personal one, as much for me as it is for them. When the ruling doesn’t align with the facts, the law or our sense of fairness, it feels like a betrayal of everything we’ve worked for. The question that lingers is, how do we make sense of a system that is supposed to deliver justice but sometimes misses the mark?
As lawyers, we have to navigate the frustration that comes with these decisions. The challenge is to help our clients process the emotions that accompany such rulings, and to continue advocating for them in the face of a system that, at times, may seem unpredictable and even err. At the same time, we must work to rebuild our own faith in the system, despite the setbacks we encounter along the way. This task is no easy feat, but it is essential in ensuring that our commitment to the rule of law, improvements in family life and adjudications that steer families to better health remains unwavering.
In my role as a Family Mediator/Arbitrator, I look at the big picture and the small picture at the same time. I not only want to help the family in front of me, but the generations of future family members that will be effected by my mediation and arbitration work. I work to both deliver justice and to ensure that the participants ‘feel’ that justice was served – by me. This is critical. Justice must be served, but it must also appear to be served. Canadians deserve to feel that they belong to a society that cares about them and treats them with the utmost of respect especially when they are in legal trouble. Nothing is more personal than one’s family and when that family needs legal help and they do not get help but more damage from the Family Court, this affects many people and many generations. We cannot afford to get ‘it’ wrong (note: ‘it’ is the just outcome and the feeling that the outcome was just).
Just as Canadians are again grappling with the feelings of injustice in high-profile criminal cases like the hockey trial, we, as members of the legal community, must also examine how we can restore faith in the legal process by knowing where to seek help for families. After over 30 years serving spouses in Family Court, I can say with absolute confidence that the solution to their problems is not in Family Court, but in the hands of good, ethical and empathetic lawyers and Divorce Coaches who steer their clients away from litigation and into Mediation/Arbitration. I am very proud of this chapter of my legal career – helping spouses who separate to experience justice, ethics and fairness and begin a new chapter in their life without having suffered moral and financial bankruptcy.
Steve Benmor, B.Sc., LL.B., LL.M. (Family Law), C.S., Cert.F.Med., C.Arb., FDRP PC, is the founder and principal lawyer of Benmor Family Law Group, a boutique matrimonial law firm in downtown Toronto. He is a Certified Specialist in Family Law, a Certified Specialist in Parenting Coordination and was admitted as a Fellow to the prestigious International Academy of Family Lawyers. Steve is regularly retained as a Divorce Mediator/Arbitrator and Parenting Coordinator. Steve uses his 30 years of in-depth knowledge of family law, court-room experience and expert problem-solving skills in Divorce Mediation/Arbitration to help spouses reach fair, fast and cooperative divorce settlements without the financial losses, emotional costs and lengthy delays from divorce court.
Editorial note: This article was first published in July 2025 and is republished here for reference
Share this article on: