Just as marriage is the direct result of a romantic journey that two people have taken together, so too divorce is also an emotionally-laden journey. The difference is that the former tends to be joyous and the latter tends to be upsetting, at least for one of the two spouses.
Marriages have their origins. Two people meet, get to know one another, fall in love and then make the decision to start a life together as a married couple. However, life is not static. Over time, people change, form other interests or forgo on their past goals and preferences. Every person has a life journey and, sometimes, the journey taken by the two people in the marriage are not aligned. This is further complicated by life events such as the birth and raising of children, the death of parents, employment successes and failures, family illness or tragedy, and many other unexpected life changing events. As planned and unplanned events occur in the couples lives, hopes, fears and disappointments are formed. In some cases, those changes, and the spouses’ reaction to those changes, can create significant disruption and discord in the relationship. Many spouses are able to work together to navigate these life-changing events. But for some spouses, their philosophies and attitudes are in conflict and bring about family breakdown.
Just as emotions and feelings brought the two spouses together, so too, these personal experiences can have a tragic impact on the health of the relationship and lead to its demise. For some couples that shared a very shallow emotional connection, the loss of the relationship may not be as severe. However, for those couples that shared a very deep romantic connection and closely held bond, the end of that relationship can equally trigger very deep wounds, upset and even anger. Some people convert those feelings into a sense of entitlement, blame and vengefulness. It really is not surprising that people who formed a relationship with such powerful feelings, equally exit that relationship with powerful feelings. And so, for those couples, divorce is heartbreaking and challenging.
Editorial Note: Originally published in 2020, this reflection on the emotional evolution of relationships remains just as poignant today. Exploring how romance shapes both the beginning and end of a marriage, the piece reminds readers that the journey through divorce is as human and complex as falling in love itself.
Steve Benmor, B.Sc., LL.B., LL.M. (Family Law), C.S., Cert.F.Med., C.Arb., FDRP PC, is the founder and principal lawyer of Benmor Family Law Group, a boutique matrimonial law firm in downtown Toronto. He is a Certified Specialist in Family Law, a Certified Specialist in Parenting Coordination and was admitted as a Fellow to the prestigious International Academy of Family Lawyers. Steve is regularly retained as a Divorce Mediator/Arbitrator and Parenting Coordinator. Steve uses his 30 years of in-depth knowledge of family law, court-room experience and expert problem-solving skills in Divorce Mediation/Arbitration to help spouses reach fair, fast and cooperative divorce settlements without the financial losses, emotional costs and lengthy delays from divorce court.
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