Divorce has a way of peeling back the layers, exposing nerves you didn’t even know you had. You try to keep your footing, say the right things, make every drop-off smooth and every FaceTime call count. But if you’ve been walking around with a low hum of anxiety in your chest—or a full-blown storm, let’s be real—it’s worth asking an uncomfortable question: Is this affecting your kid more than you realize? And if it is, what now?
Watching for the Echoes
It’s not always about what you say. Sometimes it’s about what you don’t—those moments you hold your breath while reading a message from your ex, or the way your voice changes when you say, “Go tell your dad.” Kids notice. They’re emotional detectives. If your child has started showing signs like increased clinginess, unexplained stomach aches, withdrawal from friends, or sudden anger, don’t rush to label it as “just acting out.” It could be their version of your anxiety, mirrored and amplified. When your internal tension leaks into the room, they absorb it, often without understanding where it’s coming from.
Parenting on the Defensive
Post-divorce, every parenting decision can feel like it’s being scored. You want to do right by your child, but there’s this persistent feeling that you’re being watched or judged—by your ex, the school, maybe even your kid. So you start over-explaining rules, trying to be the “fun” one, or going out of your way to avoid confrontation. That’s not just exhausting; it’s a subtle form of anxiety shielding. If you find yourself constantly editing your behavior to compensate for guilt or fear of being the “bad” parent, it might be time to ask who you’re really protecting—your child or your own uneasy conscience.
Making Space for Yourself
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential, especially when you’re carrying the emotional weight of raising a child post-divorce. Carving out moments for physical movement can act like a pressure valve, helping you regulate the stress that bubbles just beneath the surface. Even on your busiest days, you can sneak in small acts of movement—skip the elevator, stretch your legs on a brisk walk during lunch, or just pace the block while you return phone calls. When you commit to keeping your body active, even in bite-sized ways, you’re not just managing anxiety—you’re reminding yourself that your well-being still matters.
The Myth of the Neutral Parent
It’s tempting to think that staying silent or “keeping it neutral” will protect your child from your stress. But kids are intuitive, and neutrality can be read as withdrawal. They may not hear the words, but they feel the absence. If you’re bottling up your anxiety and trying to perform peace, your child might misread your distance as disinterest or coldness. You don’t have to unload every fear on them—that’s not their role—but you can name your feelings in age-appropriate ways. “I’m having a tough day” can go a long way in modeling healthy emotional expression.
The Co-Parenting Trap
Let’s talk about co-parenting—the arrangement everyone says is best for the child. It is, sure, in theory. But what if every interaction with your ex sends your blood pressure through the roof? Anxiety can sneak into logistical conversations and turn them into emotional minefields. If your child hears you venting after a tense handoff or notices you pacing before a scheduled call, they’ll start bracing too. One way to ease this pressure is to build better boundaries—emotional ones. Use a co-parenting app. Limit direct communication. Protect your peace not just for your sake, but because your kid is watching how you handle discomfort.
Tuning Out the Well-Meaning Noise
People love to give advice after your life falls apart. “Just stay calm.” “Kids are resilient.” “Take care of yourself.” It’s all true and also incredibly annoying when you’re in survival mode. Still, if your anxiety is bleeding into your parenting, you need more than platitudes. You need a plan. That might look like regular therapy, finding a support group, or even just 15 minutes of stillness each day. Whatever helps you catch your breath gives your child more room to breathe too.
What You’re Modeling Matters
Children don’t need perfection. They need presence. When you show up messy but honest, anxious but trying, they learn that feelings aren’t to be feared. If you’ve been walking on eggshells trying not to upset them, consider instead showing them how you deal with your own emotions. Say, “I feel nervous before court dates, but I breathe through it and talk to someone.” You’re not giving them your anxiety—you’re giving them tools. There’s power in that. And there’s healing in knowing they don’t have to guess what’s going on with you.
Redefining Stability
Here’s the truth most people don’t say out loud: stability isn’t about having both parents in one house. It’s about emotional consistency. If your anxiety is driving unpredictable reactions—snapping one day, silent the next—your child feels unmoored. You can start to rebuild that steadiness by anchoring your days with small, reliable rituals. It could be as simple as a shared breakfast playlist or a nightly check-in. When life feels chaotic, these are the threads that hold you both together. You don’t have to eliminate anxiety to be a stable parent—you just have to manage it with care.
There’s no shame in realizing your own anxiety is shaping the emotional landscape of your child’s life. In fact, it’s an act of bravery to notice it. Divorce doesn’t end your role as a parent—it deepens it, in all its raw and vulnerable complexity. So if you’re carrying fear, guilt, or tension, acknowledge it. Address it. Get support. Because when you begin to heal, you don’t just change your life—you create a softer, safer world for your child to grow up in.
This article was authored by Jenna Sherman who hopes to help other parents acquire the skills they need to raise future leaders by providing a collection of valuable, up-to-date, authoritative resources. A mom of three created parent-leaders.com an avenue for parents who want to make sure their children grow up to be strong, independent, successful adults.
Editorial note: This article was first published in July 2025 on LinkedIn and is republished here for reference.
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