The institution of marriage was originally a societal construct meant to prevent polygamy and to consolidate the family’s economic unit. Marriage granted the man a sexual monopoly over his wife so that she was loyal only to him. It also gave the husband control over property belonging to the wife.
Over time, the reasons for marriage included religious commandment, spiritual fulfillment, legal recognition, social approval, emotional connection and financial protection. In modern times, marriage evolved to include equality rights, both as between the genders but also for interfaith, interracial and same-sex couples.
Not only were there more reasons to marry, but more categories of people who were getting married. There once was a time where marriage was forever (til death to you part), but people begun getting married multiple times in their life. Widowers remarried. Then a whole new population joined the wedding movement when legislation was passed legalizing same-sex marriage. With all these societal changes, the number of marriages were on the rise.
But in recent years, the rate of marriage has been declining across the globe. The research show increasing numbers of women and men are not simply postponing marriage, but forgoing it altogether. In the US, 1 in 6 women remains unmarried in her early 40’s. This is about the same as in Japan. 29% in Denmark; 22% in Lebanon; and 18% in Italy. In the US, 2 in 5 births are to unwed mothers.
So why are fewer people getting married?
There are several factors at work. The current economic reality is that women are no longer required to marry for financial reasons. The gender norms have dramatically evolved so that a woman is no longer subordinated to her husband’s needs. Unlike in the past, there is now an expectation of intimacy, companionship and sexual fulfillment and, if marriage doesn’t deliver this, people then avoid it. The ‘it’s all about me’ mentality has curbed marriage. As a result, there has been a growing ambivalence about marriage. The original societal purpose of marriage to prevent polygamy and to offer economic protection is no longer relevant. Some believe that marriage is simply a relic from a past era of patriarchy. Some are outright repulsed by marriage after witnessing their parents’ divorce.
There are now as many reasons to not marry as there are reasons to do so.
Despite the high rates of divorce and unmarried cohabitation, the overwhelming majority of adults do however still marry and hope that their marriage is forever. Marriage remains a coveted achievement. Family and friends celebrate marriage and mainly lament divorce. Marriage remains a symbol of love, trust and commitment. The idea of marriage still has an enduring magic and appeal.
Editorial Note: This article was originally published in 2019. While a few years have passed, the reflections on the declining popularity of marriage remain strikingly relevant. As societal values evolve and traditional expectations shift, this piece offers a thoughtful lens on why many are choosing alternatives to formal unions—and why marriage, despite it all, still holds deep cultural resonance.
Steve Benmor, B.Sc., LL.B., LL.M. (Family Law), C.S., Cert.F.Med., C.Arb., FDRP PC, is the founder and principal lawyer of Benmor Family Law Group, a boutique matrimonial law firm in downtown Toronto. He is a Certified Specialist in Family Law, a Certified Specialist in Parenting Coordination and was admitted as a Fellow to the prestigious International Academy of Family Lawyers. Steve is regularly retained as a Divorce Mediator/Arbitrator and Parenting Coordinator. Steve uses his 30 years of in-depth knowledge of family law, court-room experience and expert problem-solving skills in Divorce Mediation/Arbitration to help spouses reach fair, fast and cooperative divorce settlements without the financial losses, emotional costs and lengthy delays from divorce court.
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